this time next week

I will back in Toronto catching up with old friends, visiting old haunts

and back in the rehearsal hall, working on an amazing production of The Corpse Bride.

Life has changed so much for me since I left TO

especially in the last year.

My thoughts and feelings about acting and coming to peace with the decision not to pursue it

could fill a small book.

Suffice it to say

I am really looking forward to this now that its just around the corner.

One last little hoorah

before everything changes in a big and beautiful way.

Not to say that I will never act again,

because I'm open to anything,

but this

this opportunity

to get up each morning and trudge off to rehearsal

to spend my days being creative

being inspired

being disciplined

directed

and redirected

all while being in the company of some of Canada's finest artists

yes

I am honoured and humbled to say the least.

Coincidentally, two years ago 

when I was back there working on this very show

was when the idea to adopt first came to me.

Oh yes.

I totally remember the moment:

I was walking down Wellesley on my way home from rehearsal,

tired, sore and a little bit off

and I heard this little tiny voice in the back of my head whisper

"This isn't enough"

which freaked the heck out of me.

See, throughout all of my 20's and the first little bit of my 30's I wanted to act

and that was it.

I was prepared to give up everything else

if I could just have a life on the stage.

Then in the summer of 2010 I got my wish,

and was flown back to Toronto 

to work on this show.

And although the experience was wonderful

I left rehearsals feeling hollow

like something was missing.

That hot afternoon as I trudged along with my dance bag on my back

I realized that what I really wanted was to be a mom

to someone out there
who was already waiting for me.

That is how my journey began.

Now

as I wait for the call 

the irony that that call may very well come while I'm in TO 

right where I was when the idea to do this 

was first born

is not lost on me

and I see that there was a plan in place from the start.

I just needed to have the courage to step forward in faith

and keep walking the road that was before me.