going back

We walked up the icy path towards the orphanage door

and heard a tapping on the window.

We looked up and a dozen little faces were looking down on us.

Above them all was Zenya

in her nanny's arms

waving frantically at us with the biggest smile on her face.

We waved back and 12 little faces broke out in smiles

as little hands reached up to wave hello.

She met us in the hallway

so excited!

I had worried that she would forget me.

Not a chance.

Big smiles, eager little feet jumping around

"hello mama!"

and then a bunch of Russian baby babble that Alex interpreted for me.

"She says she has been waiting for you.

She misses you.

She keeps wondering when you were coming back to see her."

She takes me by the hand and leads me down to the little room where we play.

She hasn't really grown at all

but my goodness is she ever talking more.

She introduced me to everyone that came in,

"This is my mama."

Oh she makes me smile.

We played for almost 2 hours and then it was time for her to have lunch with her groupa.

We'll be back tomorrow.

So awesome.

Looking at some photos I brought for the judge of her and I together.

Peeking in at the rest of her little groupa in the next room.

She was listening to some music on my phone and walked in to show her friends

"This is my mama's phone." she told one little boy.

"Can you find me a mama too?" he asked her.

I will say this.

This experience, this adoption has changed me in more ways than I can even get into at the moment

but what stands out to me over and over again

is the number of people waiting to adopt healthy babies under the age of 2.

People that sit on wait lists for months and years waiting for that perfect infant

while hundreds of little ones like Zenya go unwanted because they are deemed "too old".

Those little faces in the window are all 3 and 4 year olds

and really,

 if you could see them as they reach their little arms up to you

if you could see their little eyes pleading that you pick them too

that you be their mama and take them away,

I think your heart would crack a little bit 

just like mine does every time we step inside there.

So maybe if you're reading this

if you aren't one of my close friends or my grandma

but maybe someone who's interested in adoption

maybe you might consider opening up your heart to someone a little bit older.

I promise it will be the best thing you ever do with your life

and the best thing you ever do for someone else's.