I read the news out of Kemerovo last week and my heart broke. You see I brought my daughter home from your region four months ago, in the nick of time and sheerly by the grace of God as I was one of the last single women to be granted approval to adopt. Over the course of seven months I flew back and forth to Kemerovo four times. I met some incredible people during my visits, people I will never forget; the staff at my daughter's baby home, my driver, translator, the social worker, even a kind lady who chaperoned me around the airport in Novosibirsk when our plane was rerouted due to poor weather. The scenery outside of Kemerovo is breathtaking. Those vast stretches of land along the highway to the orphanage, dotted with birch trees are forever etched in my mind. You have much to be proud of.
I won't go into my daughter's personal history, why the baby home was the only home she knew for those first four years of her life, why not one Russian family had ever made an enquiry into her; its all in her file and you are welcome to look it up yourself. What matters is that I wanted her. And for the first four years of her life no one had said that about her. No one. The staff where my daughter lived took excellent care of her. They cared about all of the children, that was very obvious. During my visits Zenya was always cheerful, always happy to come and go with various staff, I even witnessed her blowing kisses to some of her favourite nannies as her and I played in the common room. The ladies that work at that baby home are some of the most caring people I know, I can not imagine what it must be like to to do their job; to feed and care for so many children, most of whom will never know the love of a real family.
My daughter has been home for four months now and contrary to what you are quoted as saying in Rianovosti my daughter is excelling in all areas of her development. Her english grows by leaps and bounds every day, she is taking gymnastics and dance classes and attends the nursery program at my church most Sundays. She has learned to ride a 2 wheel bicycle, is learning to swim and a whole host of other things I won't go into. As a proud mom I could fill this entire page bragging about my daughter's accomplishments but that is not my reason for writing to you. My reason for saying all of this to you is that I want you to know that I am not the only adoptive mom like this. Most of the mamas I know who have been lucky enough to bring their babies home from Russia are just like me. We love our kids hard, and hold them just as closely as Russian mamas and papas do. I think the majority of parents are the same no matter where they live, for the most part we just love our kids and want to do the best we can for them.
I understand what you've said, expressing your concerns about Russian children being mistreated at the hands of their adoptive parents. Its sickens me too and it sounds like there are a lot of rumours floating around Russia, things that aren't necessarily true, but you know how the media can spin things just to make an interesting story, much the same way as how we hear things about your country that are probably somewhat exaggerated also. If we're really being honest here, adoptive parents are not the only ones who mistreat children. There are Russian parents who mistreat their Russian children just as there are Canadian and American parents who mistreat their Canadian and American children. There will always be evil in this world, and I believe its up to the rest of us to keep spreading as much good as we can.
You are clearly a good person, with a big heart for the children you advocate for so I am at a loss as to why you are doing what you're doing. 77 children in the Kemerovo region were placed in foreign families last year. That's 77 out of the 6500 orphans in your region. Oh my goodness. Does that number not just break your heart? Mine is breaking because I have seen a tiny sector of that population. I watched them play, I saw their smiles, saw them staring at Zenya and I with longing, begging to be taken home as well, wanting mamas of their very own. Those little faces will never leave my heart, I would have taken all of them with me if there had been a way, and in my heart of hearts I am praying that there will one day be a way for me to return and adopt a sibling for my daughter.
I believe our ideals are very similar Ms. Solovyeva, I believe we have more in common that you realize and I wish that we, the world, our nations, could all agree that children should come before politics, before profit, before all of our squabbling. You are right, the best place for Russian children is Russia, but when that is not an option, what is so wrong with a family outside of Russia? Love is love after all.
If you ever find yourself in Vancouver, Zenya and I would be happy to show you our home, to let you see into our life as a family. Its a simple one, just the 2 of us and our dog, but there is so much love here Ms. Solvyeva, so much love and my daughter is the most beautiful example of the change that can happen when love is allowed in.
I won't go into my daughter's personal history, why the baby home was the only home she knew for those first four years of her life, why not one Russian family had ever made an enquiry into her; its all in her file and you are welcome to look it up yourself. What matters is that I wanted her. And for the first four years of her life no one had said that about her. No one. The staff where my daughter lived took excellent care of her. They cared about all of the children, that was very obvious. During my visits Zenya was always cheerful, always happy to come and go with various staff, I even witnessed her blowing kisses to some of her favourite nannies as her and I played in the common room. The ladies that work at that baby home are some of the most caring people I know, I can not imagine what it must be like to to do their job; to feed and care for so many children, most of whom will never know the love of a real family.
My daughter has been home for four months now and contrary to what you are quoted as saying in Rianovosti my daughter is excelling in all areas of her development. Her english grows by leaps and bounds every day, she is taking gymnastics and dance classes and attends the nursery program at my church most Sundays. She has learned to ride a 2 wheel bicycle, is learning to swim and a whole host of other things I won't go into. As a proud mom I could fill this entire page bragging about my daughter's accomplishments but that is not my reason for writing to you. My reason for saying all of this to you is that I want you to know that I am not the only adoptive mom like this. Most of the mamas I know who have been lucky enough to bring their babies home from Russia are just like me. We love our kids hard, and hold them just as closely as Russian mamas and papas do. I think the majority of parents are the same no matter where they live, for the most part we just love our kids and want to do the best we can for them.
I understand what you've said, expressing your concerns about Russian children being mistreated at the hands of their adoptive parents. Its sickens me too and it sounds like there are a lot of rumours floating around Russia, things that aren't necessarily true, but you know how the media can spin things just to make an interesting story, much the same way as how we hear things about your country that are probably somewhat exaggerated also. If we're really being honest here, adoptive parents are not the only ones who mistreat children. There are Russian parents who mistreat their Russian children just as there are Canadian and American parents who mistreat their Canadian and American children. There will always be evil in this world, and I believe its up to the rest of us to keep spreading as much good as we can.
You are clearly a good person, with a big heart for the children you advocate for so I am at a loss as to why you are doing what you're doing. 77 children in the Kemerovo region were placed in foreign families last year. That's 77 out of the 6500 orphans in your region. Oh my goodness. Does that number not just break your heart? Mine is breaking because I have seen a tiny sector of that population. I watched them play, I saw their smiles, saw them staring at Zenya and I with longing, begging to be taken home as well, wanting mamas of their very own. Those little faces will never leave my heart, I would have taken all of them with me if there had been a way, and in my heart of hearts I am praying that there will one day be a way for me to return and adopt a sibling for my daughter.
I believe our ideals are very similar Ms. Solovyeva, I believe we have more in common that you realize and I wish that we, the world, our nations, could all agree that children should come before politics, before profit, before all of our squabbling. You are right, the best place for Russian children is Russia, but when that is not an option, what is so wrong with a family outside of Russia? Love is love after all.
If you ever find yourself in Vancouver, Zenya and I would be happy to show you our home, to let you see into our life as a family. Its a simple one, just the 2 of us and our dog, but there is so much love here Ms. Solvyeva, so much love and my daughter is the most beautiful example of the change that can happen when love is allowed in.
Yours Respectfully,
Candice
(Zenya's mom)
3 comments:
Those Canadian and American families that mistreat their biokids? Were not required to pass a Homestudy, multiple security checks and demonstrate they were financially able to care for a child.
The fact that folks spent upwards of $40k to adopt a Russian child, after all that screening and still abused, killed or dumped with a stranger on the internet (as per Reuters Child Exchange investigation) is truly horrifying. Don't even get me started on the folks who fail to turn in their mandatory post-placement reports -- maybe they're behind on paperwork, but for all the Russian goverment knows they are dead.
The ban is awful. Unthinkable. I'm single and a woman and have been saving to adopt from Russia for years. Years and years. So I'm heartbroken for myself and for a Russian kid who could've had a loving, devoted mom but who now rots in an orphanage.
So, as much as it kills me, I get where Russia's coming from - it is more than spite. It is harm happening to Russian children by the very people who were supposedly well-screened and meant to love/cherish/protect them. Russia has legit concerns that remain unaddressed.
I'm praying the ban is lifted -- but demanding it be lifted without meaningful change in how the Canafian\US governments monitor what happens to Russian kids post-adoption.
You and your girl Z are awesome!!
Thank you for writing this.
Well said my friend. It is unfathomable to let myself imagine for a moment, my life without my small Russian. He. Is. Loved. We do our very best to give them the life we imagine for them and probably a little extra to help sooth the wounds they came to know in the years before they knew home. I don't know if you have seen this: grab a Kleenex. Adopt a new attitude.
http://vimeo.com/71511785
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