Day one

I will have to write a post about our trip over

but want to save it until I can add some pictures

and those are all on mom's camera

and its 3:30am here

so I don't want to wake her or Lace by digging through the bags!

I just can't sleep anymore tonight.

I woke up with thoughts of LB in my head and have been scrolling through the pictures from yesterday

for the last half hour.

What a day!

Let me start at the beginning...

We arrived in Kemerovo at 7:30am

and were met by Alex, our facilitator and Oleg, our driver

who took us to our hotel in downtown Kemerovo.

I had an hour to shower

 (and after 48 hours of traveling and wearing the same clothes let me just say Best. Shower. Ever)

and then Alex and Oleg took me to the Ministry of Science and Education

to get a letter giving us permission to visit Little Bean.

It felt so surreal, the whole day did really, 

right up until LB walked in the door I don't think I actually believed it was happening.

BUT I'm getting ahead of myself and am trying to tell you this story in order...

we left the Ministry and drove back to the hotel

where I was allowed to take either mom or Lace 

because we had to bring the social worker with us for this visit as well.

Mom immediately gave up her seat and insisted Lace come with me

so the 2 of us jumped in the car and we were off.

The drive to the orphanage took almost 2 hours

and both of us were struck by the beauty of the countryside.

The sheer vastness is what struck me most.

There was a sea of rolling hills

 copses of birch trees scattered about endless meadows

That went on and on as far as the eye could see.

Two thirds of the way there we drove through a little village

where the roads ran every which way

fences were made of whatever was available and divided property lines in jagged zigzags

dogs barked

and lace curtains covered windows where geraniums grew on the sills.

Eventually we pulled up to the orphanage

which was built 5 years ago I was told

and is home to 70 children ages birth to 4 years.

They have a big playground outside that Alex says is full of flowers in the summertime

We were taken upstairs and ushered into a nice room with toys in the corner

and a cheerful little mural on the wall.

The orphanage doctor came in and went over her medical file

and then the social worker whom we had brought with us

went over her social history.

During this process Lace took notes and asked questions that I was too nervous to think of

We learned that she's had the chicken pox

was baptized in the Russian Orthodox Church

and has been living at the orphanage since 2010.

The nannies described her as very curious

(so true!)

 empathetic towards the other orphans

and explained that she asks where her Mama and Papa are

and when someone is going to come and take her home.

They joked that she already has her suitcase packed.

And then there were quiet little footsteps echoing down the hall

and suddenly she was standing in the doorway holding onto her nanny's hand.

It took my breath away

and I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life.

She had just woken up from a nap

and was a little groggy

very unsure of what was going on

and rather timid.

The nanny told her to go over to me

and she obediently walked right over and whispered "Zdrasvooy" (hello)

And then she stood there starring at me

and I reached out to touch her cheek and tried to take her all in.

She is smaller than I imagined

delicate

Her arms and legs are so thin

her hair is wispy and so so fine

and her eyes are deep deep blue.

She has a series of little scars on her forehead and cheek from the chicken pox

and there were little imprints from her pillow still on her face.

She started to look a little unsure and so I reached into my bag and pulled out that little stuffed dog

and she was mesmerized by it

held it up to her cheek 

smelled it

and then clutched it to her chest.

The nanny said something to her and she opened up her arms 

and leaned in for a hug

and I wrapped my arms around her tiny little self

stroked her hair and just breathed her in.

We stood like that for a long time

and then I lifted her up and put her on my knee where she timidly tried to snuggle in.

I could feel the tension in her body

she was so unsure

and obviously not used to being held.

A little sparrow not quite sure where to land.

She kept shyly looking up and my face and then burying her head in my shoulder.

Eventually she hopped down and lead me into an adjacent room

where we spent the rest of our time playing together.

She is bright!

She figured out the stacking cups I had brought in no time flat

and she was completely engaged in stringing those little wooden beads onto a string.

The entire time we played she did not let that stuffed dog out her sight

and at one point even slid it under her bottom so that she could free up both hands while she played.

Too cute!

The time went by too fast

and all too soon the orphanage director and her nanny were in the doorway

telling her to clean up and say goodbye.

She helped me put all the beads back in my bag

and then she picked up the little dog

gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek

and then walked away with her nanny

but not before she turned around to wave at me and say, "paka paka" (bye bye) 

The three of us get to go back today at 4 to see her again.

12 more hours...