We survived.
Zenya made it through her first recital with mama.
2 nights of standing backstage watching the dancers
as mama cued music and lights
and cheered from the wings.
I am so proud of my girl for getting through those 2 long, late nights.
Zenya loved watching everything
and clapped after pieces while yelling out the occasional "awesome!" as we all cheered.
Several times she pointed to herself and then at the stage
trying to tell me that she wanted to be out there too.
Can't say I blame her.
Being out in public so soon was tough.
Everyone recognized her
everyone wanted to say hi
wanted a hi five
wanted to pick her up and kiss her even when I've asked them not to.
She smiled and strutted around
and then when we got in the car
she started to cry and asked to go home.
In bed she climbed up on top of me
asking, "eta mya mama?" over and over
needing to know that it was her and I
that I'm still her mama
that nothing had changed
even with all those people paying attention to her
and hugging me.
We couldn't have made it through those 2 nights
without Baba
our unsung hero.
I know that Zenya is pushing you away really hard right now mom
but we both know that it won't be forever
that in time she will grow to understand who her people are
and how much she is loved
by not just me
but you as well.
And now...
bring on summer!!
3 comments:
Ug. Boundaries. Some people don't think they are for them. Time will help and Zenya will grow in trust with you as her Mama. I'm sorry that there seem to be people who don't respect you enough to be sensitive to your needs. A point shoe in the butt might drive home that you mean business?!?
For Baba. I'm not an expert, I have just one little Russian to draw experience from but, it seems to me that perhaps little Z might see anyone who might resemble a "Baba" from the baby home / detsky Dom / orphanage as threatening to little Z's new life. She has a very special Mama now and every Baba she has ever known was from her life before where there was no Mama. She's learning a new language but you are still a Baba. Does that mean scary or unsettling things to a hopeful but easily confused little girl? Perhaps. She will figure it out as she gets more secure with routines and that Mamas don't leave and Babas are family too - REAL family. I guess you could think of it this way - having Z push you away is a GOOD thing because it means that she is choosing your daughter as her Mama and choosing to clomg tight to the newness rather than clinging to familiarity of a baba who might come and go. Of course, you are forever too, but right now she sounds pretty busy grasping her very own forever Mom. Hang on there Baba - she's got a big hear - its just a little mixed up and broken right now but your daughter is doing a great job of piecing it back together with room for everyone in her new family :-)
oh my goodness! i can't ~for the life of me~ understand why people persist in NOT respecting the boundaries that you (as her mum) are setting. miss z is a precious little gift and i'm pretty sure we have a LIFETIME of snuggles with her to come... let's get her settled first ;) xoxo auntie rach
I agree with Stacey... pushing away Baba is so super hard for grandma, but really good for bonding with her mom. It will come in time! I am so, so happy to hear that she is voicing her concern and asking for reassurance that you are still her mom... and that you can speak peace to her heart. This is wonderful, but heartbreaking to hear. I hope your quiet summer together will do wonders in healing and attachment. <3
Post a Comment