everyone needs

a Babu

for exploring the beach

digging holes in the sand

and for learning to fly kites.

Everyone needs sunshine

and wide open spaces

to stretch out in and stare up at the heavens.

Everyone needs a best friend

to romp through the puddles with

and chase the wind.

And everyone needs a good nap when its all done.

the air is hummin'

And something great is comin'...

Big changes are in the wind 

her new trick

When Zenya spends the afternoon with nanny

they get up to all kinds of mischief.

Take a look at what nan taught her to do last week.

Love our village.

Lest We Forget

I took Zenya to the Rememberance Day service today.

I always think of you grandpa when I'm standing there

and I wish you were still here with us.

Thank you for what you did for our country.

I promise I will teach Zenya as she grows 

about you

about all of the brave men and women

who have served this beautiful peace keeping country we live in.

Your memory lives on in all of our hearts.

Pumpkin Patch

We got up early and headed to the pumpkin patch with Baba and Babu.

It was a foggy morning

perfect for tromping through the field in search of the perfect pumpkin.

birthday

define

birthday

1. the date of one's birth
2. the annual anniversary of the day on which a person was born, typically treated as an occasion for celebration and present-giving
3. a day for eating an indiscriminate amount of baked goods

synonym: family togetherness

my best girl and I at mom's 

where we popped in for some early morning cupcakes

and gifts

then took some pictures together out in the sunshine.

and then if that wasn't enough

my super awesome sister baked me some chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting

Oh my oh my.

All in all
a perfect day.

Happy Birthday to me.

baby Andrey

Tonight we got to meet the newest family member of some very dear friends of ours.

I met Anton last summer when we hired him as our russian tutor

and our families made an instant click.  

They have joined us at every holiday meal since then

and are a part of our family.

Anton did numerous translations for me during the adoption

and both of them were there at the airport to welcome Zenya and I home 

when we stepped off the plane.

Coming from Russia themselves, 

they knew better than most

what kind of a life Zenya would have faced if she had remained there

they rejoiced with us in moments of triumph 

and held our hands when the road got bumpy.

Tonight we had the pleasure of meeting their son Andrey for the first time.

Zenya was so taken with him

touching his face

stroking his hair

marveling at the size of him

the lack of teeth

the tiny fingers.

Amazed that he doesn't speak

and can't stand up 

or ride a bike.  

I held him for a brief moment and as soon as I handed him back

she jumped into my arms

needing to be held the same way

"You are my baby, aren't you?"

and she smiled up at me and nodded.

She understood.

We have enough language now that I have begun to talk about her story with her.

She understands that she did not grow in my tummy

that she had another mama before me.

She confides in me how much she missed me 

how lonely it was in the orphanage

and how she cried for me and I didn't come.

She waited a long time for me to come back and she worried that I had changed my mind.

So much to explain

but we will get there in time.

For now I hold her on my chest and tell her over and over how much I love her

now and forever

and she whispers back 

"I love you sooooooo much mama.  Navsegda.  Forever"

and we fall asleep just like that.

3 months

We had a party

filled the house with family

and friends that we consider our family

the people who loved us through this process of coming together.

We ate and drank and laughed

like families do

everyone squished into our little home.

And in the midst of it all

was Zenya

running from person to person

hugging

kissing

laughing

so excited by all the people gathered in her home.
This is forever baby girl.  

G&B

When I went through court the first time

one of the topics they questioned me on was male role models in Zenya's life.

The questioned me hard

being a single woman

wanting to know who she would have to fill that role for her

and what they could offer her.

I wish that prosecutor could see her now

sitting in her Grandpa's arms as he walked her around the barn at the fair

showing her the different animals

encouraging her to reach out and touch them.

Or sit in and listen to Babu reading her a bedtime story

as she giggled away beside him

snuggling in closer to see the pictures.

I look at these pictures

these moments Zenya is experiencing

and I can't help but think back to my first hearing

when after 2 hours of questioning the prosecutor looked me in the eye

and told me that it would be better for Zenya to remain in state care

than to be placed in my custody.

I think Zenya's pretty happy to be out of state care and part of a family.

Zenya is just starting to get how loved she is

I can see the little lightbulb getting brighter

every time she sees her Grandpa

her Babu

Nellie

or Baba.

These people love me.

You can see it sinking in.

I am loved.

the fair

Grandpa and Tita took Zenya and I to the fair at the PNE today

Such a good time!

Zenya had her first pony ride

ate some popcorn and a chocolate covered banana

and rode the merry-go-round,

but her favourite part of the whole thing was the Super Dog Show.

Watching her face as she watched the dogs was priceless.

Such a memorable day for both of us.

boating

Zenya went out on Babu's boat for the first time today

and she had such a good time!

Zenya and her beautiful Baba

who she is starting to trust and love

She loved watching the water rush past

counting birds in the sky

and waving to other boaters.

It was beautiful to watch her taking in the whole experience.

I think one of the coolest things about being a parent is seeing the world through Zenya's eyes

everything is so new and exciting again

especially for someone who spent the first 4 years in an orphanage with very little to see and do.

Eventually she climbed up to Babu's seat and he let her take the wheel.

She had so much fun steering the boat helter skelter

and she is such an observant little monkey;

it wasn't long before she'd figured out how to use the throttle and then she got us going so fast

she scared herself!

She came and sat on my lap for a bit crying, "no fun no fun."

(and while I soothed her nerves I smiled at the coherent english she'd just used)

It was really just a perfect day for all of us.

Zenya has brought our family even closer together

if that is possible

and our moments together are richer because of her.

Seeing her with her grandparents leaves me without words

just a big warm glow in my heart.

cousins

Today we drove out to meet Zenya's cousin Grayson.

She was a little shy initially 

but warmed up to her new buddy pretty quickly once the balls came out and the hide and seek started.

I think she really enjoyed playing with someone her size for a change

because the whole ride home she chanted 

"Grayson fun fun fun!"

from the backseat.

These two little cuties are the start of the next generation of our family.

Both of them were adopted

Isn't that awesome?

Both of them are walking miracles when you know their full stories

and both of them are loved beyond words.

Family

is

the best thing

ever

word of the day

"Together"

While I was finishing off the last of my obligations at work

we tried leaving Zenya with Baba and "Nellie" 

(her name for nanny)

to avoid the hype of the studio while I was teaching.

It backfired a little

and she became very fearful of both of them

scared that seeing them meant I was leaving.

We're working through that now

and we had 2 good visits with Baba this weekend.

On the way to her house 

I explained how Zenya and I were visiting Baba together.

I used one hand as Zenya and one as myself and then I clasped them 

as I said the word "together".

"Together?" she echoed back.

"Yes.  Together."

Once we picked up Nellie and got to mom's and she saw that I was staying too 

she relaxed and started to play.

After supper she came up to me and held up 4 little fingers saying,

"Zuzu, mama, Baba, Nellie.  Together"

"That's right.  Together.  We're a family and families spend time together."

"Da.  Together."

First time playing in the sprinkler.

Best part:

listening to her count to 5 in Russian before she broke into a run to the other side.

bad Bizzee

I've been letting Thisbe,

or "Bizzee" as Zenya calls her

sleep in our bed with Z when I first put her down for the night.

The 3 of us snuggle together and then I leave Bizzee with Z once she's asleep

until I'm ready for bed.

(Then Bizzee gets the boot back to her own bed.)

Last night at my mom's Bizzee bit Zenya in the face

when Z tried to pet her as she sat on my mom's lap.

Now fortunately Bizzee has no teeth in the front anymore so there wasn't a mark on Zenya

but it scared the pants off of her.

Zenya turned around and lashed out at mom which surprised us both 

and was quite upset with her Baba for a good hour after it happened. 

We got home and as I put her down to sleep and she floored me by asking for Bizzee.

In a mixture of my crappy russian and a lot of sign language we had the following conversation:

Me, "Nyet Thisbe.  Thisbe bad.  Thisbe bit you in the face. No Thisbe in bed tonight."

Z, "Bizzee?" (she demonstrates the bite with an incredulous look on her face)

"Da.  Thisbe.  Thisbe bit you tonight.  Remember? "

"Bizzee?!?"

"Da.  Thisbe.  Bad dog."

"Nyet Bizzee mama, eta Baba!!"

Oh. My. Word.  

I seriously fell onto my pillow laughing.

Then I explained that no, it was in fact Thisbe, 

not Baba

 who bit her face.

I don't know how on earth she got it into her head that it was mom 

but that was what she believed had happened.

No wonder she wanted nothing to do with Baba!

an owie and a friend

On our walk to the park tonight Zenya met our neighbour's daughter Daisy.

They really hit it off which made me very happy

as I can tell that she misses being around other children.

Daisy is 6 months younger than Zenya but a full head taller.

The 2 of them were racing up and down the sidewalk when Zenya took her first real tumble

and did a face plant on the cement.

There was that moment of suspension

when she looked like she wasn't even breathing

and then she let loose like a volcano.

Screaming "mama" she ran back to me

her little knee all scraped up

and a little red bump on her forehead.

Daisy came running back and patted her arm

"I'm sorry you got hurt Zenya"

then proceeded to throw herself around being all silly until she fell on the grass

which made Zenya laugh.

We said goodbye and carried on to the park

and as we were walking away I said,

"Daisy.  Eta Daisy.  Tvya padruga.  Daisy."

(your friend)

Zenya looked back at me and smiled,

"Mya padruga"

"Da. Daisy."

"Daisy?"

"That's right, Daisy.  You're friend.  Tvya padruga."

"Mya padruga Daisy."

and she said it over and over all the way to the park and home again.

Happy girl.

first real owie

what we've been up to

Can you even handle this cuteness?

Our biggest hurdle thus far has been jet lag

Getting Zenya to sleep through the entire night has been a challenge

and then mama getting through the entire day has been more challenging still.

I think we're almost there.

We've settled right down here at home

and spend our days exploring the house and yard

and walking our sobachkas to the park.

We do wild and crazy things like heading out to play in the yard before breakfast

even though we're still in our jammies.

We just throw on a hoodie and toque and roll with the vibe.

Our oatmeal can wait, we say.

We're trying new foods and surprised to find that we even like some of them.

When we're feeling like it we eat cucumbers just like they're bananas

(another one of our favourite foods)

We weighed Zenya today and she's put on 2lbs since leaving the orphanage.

We spend a lot of time snuggling together.

Zenya needs to know where I am at all times

but is starting to relax here in our space quite a bit

and will happily colour or play with the dogs while I tidy up.

She loves to help in the kitchen and is fascinated to see where her food comes from.

The nightmares have tapered off quite a bit and she is sleeping more soundly through the night

but she will not tolerate any kind of blankets on her whatsoever 

if she can't feel my body beside hers underneath them.

If she wakes up and there are covers on her she breaks out in a very frantic panic

which makes me wonder if she was restrained in her hospital bed during her stay there.

She is easily comforted and I am happy that we're co-sleeping 

as I think its doing a lot to facilitate our bonding.  

Our very first night at home she slept in her bed for 5 hours 

but then came into my room and climbed into bed with me

and hasn't left since.  

She is trying out english more and more each day

  her desire to communicate with the dogs has really helped move things along.

She knows their names and can tell them "sit" "off" and  "enough"

 (when Thisbe starts barking)

She says "hello" and can count to 3

her accent is the most adorable thing I've ever heard.

She loves to phone Baba and tell her about her day.

mya sobachka

Oh my goodness this little girlie loves her dogs.

Loves them!

When she first walked into the house after we got home from the airport 

they were all she wanted to see.

She squealed with delight when they ran up

clapping her hands and grabbing at them

and she hasn't let them out of her sight since.

They are slowly coming around to the idea of her.

Thisbe gave her a little nip twice in the first 24 hours and I think it was a good thing

as it has taught Zenya to be gentle and respectful to that old girl.

Her hands are softer with them than they were initially.

So loving.

She dotes on the 2 of them

bringing them books and pictures to look at

sitting in their bed and kissing them

and sneaking them some of her snack when she thinks I'm not looking.

In time I trust the feelings will be mutual.

"eta mya sobachka."

"Da."

our newest member

Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful.

It means that you will love and be loved for the rest of your life.

No matter what.

                                                                                             Lisa Weedn

Zenya is soaking up the love like a little sponge.

She is with her people now

and I don't think she's ever going to let us go.

The joy on my family's faces when they hold her is indescribable.

Our baby girl is home.

Forever.

Amen.

slowing down

This afternoon Lacey and I went down to Jericho Beach

slipped off our shoes

and walked in the sand.

Thisbe

she loves to fetch large sticks

the bigger the better

 and that is because she's a big big dog trapped in a little body friends.

Tomorrow I will get my packing done.

I slipped up to the mall this morning to get a few last minute items for the trip.

I think I have everything I'm going to need.

Little underpants are washed and waiting to be packed

and after much discussion with mom

the outfit that she will wear when we walk out of the orphanage

is now laying on her bed all ready to go.

Thanks to the mother of all colds

I am feeling rested and more like my 'old self' than I have felt in months.

I think those 5 days in bed were long overdue.

I am enjoying my last leisurely moments

indulging in long baths

and sleeping in

spending some girl time with my favourite Vancouver ladies

and eating chocolate for dinner.

(shhh)

I leave Wednesday morning for Toronto

and then will depart from there on Saturday.

Its a funny feeling this anticipation

this not having to put the brakes on my joy

not having to squish a lid down on the little feeling of euphoria that wells up inside me

It still doesn't seem real to me

and I don't think it will 

until she is sitting beside me in the car

and we're driving back down to the mountain.

6 more days.

That's right.

6

a gift

I have imagined many times over the past 5 months

Zenya's fourth birthday party.

I had every reason to believe that she would be home for it,

most likely having just arrived

and mom and I spent several evenings discussing the small family party we would have

to celebrate this little girl who has never had a birthday party before.

There is a little white dress hanging in her closet that I bought just for the occasion.

When we got back from Russia it kept going through my mind over and over

that she wouldn't be home in time for her birthday

that I would miss seeing her turn four
and that saddened my deeply.

Except that I won't...

When the agency found out how much paperwork the judge was asking for

they said that there was no way they could have it all processed in time for me to be back April 8

and that they needed 2 more weeks.

So while I despaired at the time being lost

God was working his magic

closing a door

but opening a window.

My new court hearing will be taking place April 22nd.

Zenya's birthday is April 24th.

I will be with my baby afterall.

And that got me thinking about how to celebrate her special day.

The trouble for me was how to celebrate her in an orphanage

where all of her friends are still waiting for mamas and papas 

and who have never

possibly will never

have a birthday party of their own.

How do you throw a party for just one?

Quite simply you don't.

My heart got lighter as I realized that I am being given a very special gift
 the opportunity to make this day special

not just for my Zenya

but also for the 13 other little ones in her groupa.

The idea came to me to have a party for all of them.

One quick email later and the orphanage agreed.

More amazing still?

My little nan wanted to supply the presents and cake

so last week we went shopping together

and now each of those precious little loves is getting their very own stuffie

and a brand new pair of pajamas.

(nan's favourite is this little pink rabbit)

We got something different for everyone

(I love this little blue bunny and can see in my mind the beautiful little boy who it's going to)

(And these little ladybug pj's are going to the sweetest little blonde lovie.)

There is a little pair of pj's in there for Zenya as well.
I feel so grateful for this opportunity
to shower a mama's love on some tiny little people
who just want to belong to someone.
To let them know that someone sees their value, their beauty and their worth.
If there was a way to take all of them home with me
I would do it in a heartbeat.

I also feel blessed to be able to show Zenya
the importance of loving those around us
and trying to bring them joy.
That life is not just about ourselves and our own comfort
but what we do for others.
That our purpose
our reason for being
quite simply
is to love.